I'm a National Spokesman for Sleep Paralysis
I recently appointed myself National Spokesperson for Sleep Paralysis. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating sleep paralysis. It’s actually very unpleasant. I just want to educate people about it so they don’t have to endure the confusion I suffered through.
Before we get to that, let’s talk about me being a National Spokesperson. It’s an awesome job. I drive around and talk to people about sleep paralysis. Sometimes I drive as far as ten miles to discuss this malady with people I already know who only listen to me because they are polite. Right now I don’t get paid for my wonderful public service, but I’m sure one day I’ll be generously compensated for helping those who are held prisoner by this terrifying sleep-thingy.
Now, let’s discuss Sleep Paralysis. First, what sleep paralysis is not. It is not about needing a wheel chair-that’s normal paralysis. Second, what it is. It is a form of temporary paralysis that occurs while asleep or at waking. Many times it begins during sleep and forces the sleeper to wake. Sleep Paralysis is scary and comes in two varieties: the hag, and demonic possession. The hag is a feeling that someone or something is sitting on top of you, holding you down and possibly choking you. Some people can actually see a witch, goblin or other shadowy figure on top of them. One might hear this being enter the room and may even smell it. With demonic possession sleepers sense an evil force is preventing movement. They often hear many evil, threatening voices and feel a demon is trying to gain control of their body.
Does this ever happen to you? If it does, it’s important to realize you are not crazy and the devil is not after your body. It happens to people in every society and there is no known cause. If, during an episode, you stop being terrified long enough to think clearly, focus on moving your fingers and toes. If you can gain control of the fingers and toes everything else will disappear. Really, I’m not lying. I get this all the time. Moving your fingers and toes really is the way to stop it.
Sleep Paralysis is just one more weird and unexplainable thing that happens for no logical reason. Just remember to floss. Flossing won’t do anything for sleep paralysis, but it’s really good for your gums and may prevent cavities. Have a good night’s sleep!