Q: Why did you name your website after yourself? What kind of an idiot does that?
 A: Look, I couldn’t think of a good name. When I was purchasing the domain name I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to do with it. Was I going to sell something? What would I sell, t-shirts? Cats? Snow? Meth? Custom doorknobs? I don’t know how to make cartoons or movies. I ruled out homemade porn due to the fact that...well...um...you know. So, I just named the site after me. Thus, I removed all expectations as to what the site should be.

 

Q: Who the **** are you and why should I give a ****?
 A: Such language! And from a young lady! Basically, I’m nobody. That’s what’s great about the internet. Any dork who wants to waste time making a website is free to do so. It’s not like back in olden times when you had to ride a dinosaur to church and explain your ideas to the congregation.

 

Q: I looked at your site and noticed a lot of crazy, liberal propaganda. Why do you hate America?
 A: Let’s get one thing clear right now. I don’t hate America. I hate a large number of Americans. More specifically, I hate you. How about I make a list of all the Americans that really irk me, that way you won’t be confused.

Wait, maybe I don’t hate Americans, maybe I hate parking lots.

 

Q: How can you hate parking lots!?!?!? Where would we be without parking lots?
 A: I think I hate parking lots because they are directly responsible for the death of Pope Leo X. That should be enough to make you hate them too.

 

Q: Why do Catholics eat fish on Lenten Fridays?
 A: I’m not Catholic so this may not be accurate. Catholics eat fish on Friday to remind them that fish don’t breathe air. Fish breathe water. This is symbolism to help Catholics remember that they must breathe the water of life the way fish breathe normal water. Beyond this spiritual application, it must be noted that when fish look at the sun it hurts their eyes. True of Catholics also.

 

Q: What do you think about Oprah’s new girl’s school in Africa?
 A: First, I would like to remind everyone that Africa is not a country, it’s a continent. I don’t know who this ‘Oprah’ person is, but a girl’s school in Africa sounds suspicious. Clearly she’s trying to set up a Bene Gesserit school. Just what the world needs. Newsflash everyone-if you don’t like Gom Jabbars, stay away from Oprah.

 

Q: Are you sure that’s why Catholics eat fish on Fridays?
 A: OK, fine. My reading seems to show that it is a type of fast borrowed from the Jews. Fasting is an important part of Judaism and early Christians decided to fast also. Soon they got lazy and decided that fasting meant to avoid certain foods instead of food in general. Fasting became the avoidance of animal products. Then they got really lazy and decided you could eat fish and dairy. The point: Christians are too lazy to adopt Jewish traditions. Think about it, the last time you offered a calf on the altar did you salt it? I didn’t think so.

 

Q: Do you happen to have the Lord’s Prayer translated into Esperanto and notated in Deseret Alphabet?
 A: Yes, yes I do. I knew it would come in handy one day. People told me it was a waste of time to study Esperanto and Deseret Alphabet. Shows what people know. It seems my “stupid, waste of time hobbies” are finally useful and appreciated. Take that normal people!

 

 

Do you have a FAQ to ask me? Ask away. I might answer your question one day.